life of m

Sustaining the Self and Beyond

What am I looking for?

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As you know, I have been searching for Okami for months now on rescue sites around the country. I love my baby Naih completely, but for some reason my heart still seeks to find something missing in the absence of Okami.

 

I thought perhaps it was the companionship of a big male dog to protect me and follow me like a shadow. In an email from my dad, I received wisdom and clarity.

 

“I read that you are going to Sedona tomorrow.  I don’t know anything about aura, but I hope that it is a fruitful day for you.  I read wistfully of your searching.  You may be searching, but you have already found things that others never will.

As my dad wrote, it is the “profound sensitivity” of a four-legged being that I am truly searching for.

 

It is a gift to cross paths with such beautifully sensitive, loving, empathic creatures. But the drawback is that once you have known this connection, it is difficult not to wish for it again.

 

My dad is another being on equal par with my own extreme sensitivity. He tells me it is both a gift and a disadvantage to be this way.

 

You have so much love for animals, and you are such a sensitive person.  Life is more difficult for sensitive people, but it warms my heart that you are like that.  The world would be so much better if more people were like that.

 

It is not an easy path, and it is one that I think can be difficult for others to understand. It can be difficult for me to understand. Why can’t I just get over things? Why ruminate? Why feel when the feeling feels so awful? (I really just wanted to see how many times I could write the world “feel” in one sentence.)

 

So, though it pains me to think about it, I will try to stop searching. I will turn around the photos of Okami and try to move on. There is no dearth of furry beings in my life to love. I know I cannot force the universe to give Okami back to me. But I can search for another super sensitive soul who needs me. I just may need to wait until I can actually bring another furry four-legged home because there are those already in my fold who need me, as well as a two-legged.

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Author: marieke

I am a writer, artist, musician, songwriter, editor, and yogi. I am a seeker and a wanderer. I love spending time learning about the wildness of human nature and the world around me.

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